DJ Khaled’s “No Brainer” Song Review

Hello, I’m MusiCommentator, and by the time I’ll be posting this, I’ll be on my last day of summer.  Of course, this is a tragic event for me, so let’s try to end this summer off with a bang by looking at a new summer jam recently released by DJ Khaled.

Now, this isn’t my first time dealing with DJ Khaled on this site.  Long-time fans of my blog might remember that my second song review on here was DJ Khaled’s former hit “I’m The One“, which also featured Justin Bieber, Quavo, and Chance the Rapper.  This was a large hit in the summer of 2017, and I believe it hit number one on the Billboard Hot 100.  Now that Khaled has a new summer bop out, let’s see if this one compares to its predecessor, and if you read my “I’m The One” review, you know the bar is pretty low.  But, I have some faith that maybe “No Brainer” is better.

The first thing we’re hit with is the beat for this song, and boy, this instrumental is pretty trash.  Like, at least on “I’m The One”, the beat sounded like it was trying to be a genuine, fun-loving track.  This beat, though, is generic to the point where I wouldn’t be surprised if a computer generated the entire thing.  It really doesn’t make the outlook for the song appear good.  But, after DJ Khaled’s obligatory shouting, we get to Justin’s chorus.

“You stick out of the crowd, baby, it’s a no-brainer
It ain’t that hard to choose
Him or me, be for real, baby, it’s a no-brainer
You got your mind unloose
Go hard and watch the sun rise
One night’ll change your whole life
Off top, drop-top, baby it’s a no-brainer”

Okay, so this song is tackling the same topic as “I’m The One”; all the artists are trying to get a girl for their summer fling.  I guess that could be taken in a unique way, but the chorus so far is pretty bland.  Nothing really bad or good to say about it.  It’s the auditory equivalent of plain quinoa.

“Put ’em up if you with me
Yeah, yeah-eah, yeah, yeah-eah-eah
In the middle, woah
Woah-woah-oah, oh, oh-oh, ooh”

And what’s a summer jam without putting your hands in the air and singing out “Yeah” a bunch of times.  I mean, Justin isn’t even trying to sound original.  I guess the same computer that made the beat also produced the lyrics.

“Both arms, yeah”

Oh, thank you for clarifying that, Justin.  I wasn’t sure if I should put up both or just one arm, but I’m glad you helped me figure that out.

After this drab chorus, we get Quavo’s verse, and while I’m not usually a fan of Quavo, he gave the best verse in “I’m The One”, so let’s see if his contributions are good here.

“Mama told you don’t talk to strangers (mama, mama, mama!)
But when you’re ridin’ in the drop, you can’t explain it (skrrt, skrrt, skrrt-skrrt)”

Yeah, screw stranger-danger.  If a guy comes up to you in a Lamborghini and asks you to get in his ride, you should always say yes.

“I blow the brains outta your mind (ooh)
And I ain’t talkin’ ’bout physically (no)
I’m talkin’ ’bout mentally”

Again, I’m glad we got another clarification here, because if he didn’t specify that, I just might’ve had to call the cops.  Thank you for saving me the trouble, Quavo.

“She lookin’, she look like she nasty (she lookin’)
She lookin’, she look like she classy (she lookin’)”

Pretty sure you can’t be both of those things.  That is, unless you’re Nicki Minaj.

So, Quavo gave us absolutely nothing of substance.  That’s kind of a letdown, but I’m not really sure what I was expecting.  However, Chance is up next, and if his newest singles are any indication for what his verse will be like, we’re in for a treat!

“Don’t look rich, I ain’t got no chain (huh)
Not on the list, I ain’t got no name”

Oh, you’re going to say you have “no name”, Chance?  Yeah, I guess the guy who gets over 11 million monthly Spotify streams is a no-name.

“And I keep it Ben Franklin, I’m not gon’ change”

Don’t do that to my man Ben, Chance.

“Y’all don’t gotta answer for whenever you text me
It’s multiple choice and they all wanna test me”

I would be happy with this line if it wasn’t the only clever lyric on this entire song.

“She tryna choose between me, Justin, Qua’ and Asahd”

Knowing that Ashad is a toddler, one of those choices does not fit with the others.

“She told me that she love that I make music for God
I told her I would love to see that ***** applaud”

I know I was mad at the weird censorship of the f-word in Marshmello’s “FRIENDS“, but are you kidding me here?  They censored out the word “booty”!  Even on the explicit version of the song!  Yeah, keep in the part about Quavo mentally blowing the brains out of some girl, but God forbid if the children hear the word “booty”.

That ends off Chance’s verse, and I can’t say I liked it very much.  The song should be over after another chorus, but Justin also gives us a verse.

“Walked down, had me sittin’ up
Demanded my attention, had to give it up
Look like somebody designed you
Drop-dead gorgeous, you make me wanna live it up
Your presence is critical
Movin’ my soul, yeah you’re spiritual
They hate it when you notice me
Like everybody else invisible (ooh)
Breakin’ all the rules (oh-oh)
So above the law (so above the law)
I’ll be your excuse (damn right)
Uh, and you won’t go wrong, no”

His verse is basically like his chorus: uninteresting.  There’ just nothing to say on it.  It’s rice with no butter or salt or any semblance of seasoning.  It’s bland!

And that’s pretty much the end of the song, and boy was that a rough listen.  I wasn’t expecting much considering that I wasn’t really a fan of “I’m The One”, but this song limbo-ed under that bar easily.  The beat is extremely uninspired, and Justin’s contributions feel the same.  Quavo and Chance’s verses are so thoughtless that it probably took them each five minutes to write their lyrics.  Everybody involved in this track was obviously in it for the check, even Khaled.  It took them no brains to make this song (see what I did there?)  For that, I’ll give this track a 1.5 out of 5, and I feel like that’s pretty generous.

Thank you for reading my “No Brainer” song review. If you liked this review, make sure to follow my website, Twitter, and Instagram, like this post, and be sure to check in to read my future reviews. Also, if you have something you want to see me review, tell me in the comments. Until then, keep on listening to good music! I know I will.